Letting Idiots Be Idiots

Last night while waiting for a movie to start I couldn't help but overhear a conversation from the couple behind me. This is not the same as eves dropping, not that I give a rat's pooper whether that's what I was doing. When you didn't bring anything to read and you decided to attend an event even if it is alone, there's that moment when even the most mundane succession of words are something to latch onto. It's like the value a used free newspaper takes when you have to kill time on the subway.

I'm learning to just let idiots be idiots, and that may be one of my New Years Resolutions, except that it gets easier the less I care. The guy was telling his date about his experience on the field of battle - Internet discussion boards. He was boasting that he had "corrected" someone and that "CS Lewis was not a contemporary of Tolken" and he want on to shoot some shit about the Narnia books. His girlfriend rebuked him a little by saying that at least the Narnia books are readable and that she couldn't get through Lord of the Rings. He went on regardless, insisting that Narnia is so simple and Rings are so detailed that the two authors wouldn't have known each other. I wanted to say "Have you read the Screwtape Letters or any other Lewis?" I wanted to put him straight about whether the two authors were peers. But before I could twist around to politely invite myself into their conversation, the guy went on to speculate about how people will receive his upcoming internet review of Astroboy and how the kid who plays Charlie in Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chololate Factory does the voice of Astroboy. By then my eyes were glazing over and I was ready to splash the last of my coffee into my own face.

That's how it sounds when someone reviews movies online on a regular basis, the pointlessness of the exercise driven home perfectly by this stranger I didn't much respect. I've been accused of having "too much free time" myself having posted my share of comments and reviews on imdb and other sites. But the futility hadn't hit home as well as it had listening to this dink. I forget who said this of critics versus doers but, "all respect should go to the person actually in the arena." True critical thinking is rarely seen among so-called critics and audience chat board wags. Try to set something straight and it is like diving in after a drowning person and being pulled under.

"There is too much detail."

"There is too much dialog."

"The ending isn't ________."

For people starting out with a project, passing a draft script around, these can stop a writer in his or her tracks. And yet, without feedback they could move forward and create something that makes all of those comments moot. I'm thinking of Bill Murray's words of wisdom at the end of Meatballs, "It just doesn't matter, it just doesn't matter. . ."

film and sleep

I saw a good film by a friend of mine tonight, his best yet, with strong believable performances throughout. So much dialog that it seemed like a short padded into a feature, but it kept my attention so I can't complain about running time. It was based on a play after all. If I submitted the same script, people would say "Too much talking" or "Show, don't tell." But sometimes letting the characters talk is just fine and the only time we can allow that is when we do our own movies.

The trouble with me and being a film fan lately is that once a movie is part way through my eyelids get heavy. I don't know if its my meds or being middle age, but the same thing happened watching Inglorious Basterds so it is no reflection on the movie itself. It's an ironic sort of curse - that the simplest thing I enjoy - sitting down to watch a movie - is now complicated and involves effort. I used to be astonished when people would say they didn't feel up to a movie or didn't have time. Now keeping my eyes open and also the sitting part can be a chore thanks to developing a bum rear end you might say.

I'm not sure what the solution is. And I've yet to sit down and watch all of the Extended Lord of the Rings DVDs, let alone the special features, even though for years I was all about the commentaries. Maybe I'm unconsciously telling myself something. Maybe once I have made more progress with my own projects and feel like first and foremost a writer/filmmaker then I can enjoy movies again. I'm wondering if it is psychosomatic. But I doubt it. It might be the beginning of the big FADE OUT. Maybe I'm making more of it than I should. But I couldn't even drag myself to the after-party and I really need to do more of that. I mean who do I think I am wandering off and skipping the party? It's not like I don't need to meet new people or pay attention to the people I already know. I still have my sleepy head up my fissure-laden anus.

Too much information? Oh, well, it's not like anybody reads these blogs. If it wasn't for Kevin Smith being graphic about medical problems I'd be in a silent panic, so it's likely that there's no such thing as too much information. I wouldn't want people to say "we had no idea" when I die of something. I want to make sure the signs and red flags are up, in case anything can be done. I have a doctor's appointment this coming week, and this guy is good. But I still haven't replaced the awful and neglectful GP I had up to 2006. Oops, is that slanderous? Not if I don't name the buck-passing, lying jumble of abuse. With any luck there will be a decent GP out there who doesn't greet honesty with "If you feel that way, maybe we should close your file." I didn't realize how quality of doctors has been nose-diving lately, but that's what I'm hearing. I once got yelled at for mentioning more than two ailments during a visit -- as if I'm supposed to know the rules for patients in Ontario. Apparently instead of giving the holistic picture and being pressed for "is that all?" as it used to be, now we have to split up our ailments and come back for another visit so the doctor can bill accordingly.

I just hope whatever is shorting me out isn't something that could have been caught if I had all the right people looking at me at the right time. Next, my eye doctor whose office sent me some insurance letters that had nothing to do with my situation and seemed like junk mail pitches. I thought it was bad enough that I never know when the bank or the phone company are really calling or whether it is some worthless time-wasting promotion cold-call. Maybe stress and exhaustion are the cause of my sleep seizures - that's what I call them - and my sore butt.

December 6

This year the newspaper ran an image of a lady from the government looking at a rose as the lone person who showed up for an event intended to acknowledge officially violence against women. Her event was boycotted by those it concerned because the Harper government has withdrawn funding that gave any meaning to such a gesture.

As this blog indicates, I don't have the names of these organizations at hand. There had been some talk that they lost funding because they were poorly run or the money was going to overpaid staff or whatnot. But those details aren't assembled. The only information we do have is that crisis oriented services for women are diminished and not replaced by anything that can be called more efficient.

That said, if there isn't one official day to reflect on violence it isn't like we will then be thinking about it full steam 365 days a year. This is the 20th anniversary of the shootings at Ecole Polytechnique. Has there been 20 years of progress? I don't know. All I did about it was watch the movie today.

wanted more money

So somebody on the internet answered my question about why Eddie Murphy isn't fulfilling his lifelong dream of playing Richard Pryor. Apparently director Bill Condon wanted to keep the budget down to keep creative control and Eddie wouldn't accept a pay cut. So he's probably walking away from an Oscar just so he is free to make Norbit money and continue diluting what's left of his name's value. I tell you money is tearing the heart out of show business.

I can see the advertisement now: Marlon Wayans is Richard Pryor. . .

Uh, no, he isn't.

This makes me wonder about Condon, however. The below-the-line budget would be the same even if Eddie's fee lifted it into the danger zone. But even if he had to make his deal with the Devil to make a $70 million dollar movie instead of a $50 million dollar movie, what kind of input could the studio suits really give that could throw Condon off? He's doing a bio-pic. The suits wouldn't have as many templates to refer to as hip bio-pics to pass themselves off as knowledgeable or creative. Most life story movies are a mess, like life. Condon can only vindicate himself if his script and final film are a masterpiece. Albeit a masterpiece with the wrong actor in the lead. But the other thing that could happen is that Wayans - under years of pressure from his brothers - might be a revelation finally working with a decent script and high stakes. Not that Requiem for a Dream isn't a great script and director, but people don't think of him being in that. We think of disposable movies like Senseless and Scary Movie crap. Good luck to him, but it's a shame for Eddie that money had the last say.

Eddie Murphy not Richard Pryor ?

I just realized I haven't been blogging since August 22, which happens to be right after my first shift at Maple Leaf Gardens here in Toronto. That may not be coincidence. I've felt like I had to stifle some interesting blog observations because there is a certain discretion about working in security. Battle of the Blades has come and gone, and the site is in transition. There is much to say, which won't be current anymore but may be referred back to.

No, for some reason checking imdb is what gooses me to eschew any entries I've got waiting in longhand ready to type up. Turns out that with zero fanfare Marlon (Senseless) Wayans has won the role of Richard Pryor in Bill (Dreamgirls) Condon's biopic. I remember perhaps a year ago reading that there was definite fanfare about the prospect of Eddie Murphy playing Pryor and it seemed the deal had been sealed. So what has cheated us out of seeing this Murphy as Pryor movie? I know that Marlon was in Requiem for a Dream, which is a fine movie, but he wasn't born and kissed by God to play Richard Pryor. WTF? If he ends up winning an Oscar, I fear for Murphy's life. I look at Murphy's imdb page and the list includes Untitled Brett Ratner Project like Ratner is now Woody Allen. I don't know if the director of Norbit and Meet Dave is represented on Eddie Murphy's full docket of upcoming work commitments. But I'm shaking my head. Is the best we have to expect the planned Beverly Hills Cop IV? I'm sure even that will be botched. I know there were some no-nothing internet wags making noise against Murphy's stature versus that of Richard Pryor. But with all due respect, Murphy has more range as a performer. I'd really like to know the circumstances under which Eddie Murphy left that project. I don't give a Ratner's ass about show business or scandal and the airhead flitting of gossips, but I care about the quality of movies being made available and what is behind the big mistakes. What went wrong?

Critiks are Basterds

Some critics might claim to need a code key to interpret what Tarantino means by this revisionist adventure film, but I'd say it's right under their up-turned noses:

There's a great little scene where Mike Meyers plays a British military man who anticipates attacking a Nazi film premiere so he brings in an a film critic as an adviser. This may or may not be necessary but it does allow for a dialog exchange like:

Meyers: What do you do?

Critic: I am a film critic.

Meyers: What are your accomplishments?

Even though the critic goes on to list some compilation books, it may as well be a rhetorical question.

Tarantino thumbs his nose at convention and that is part of the movie's appeal. His movies are often about movies as much as they are about the content at hand. Yet he still manages to sustain genuine tension. The opening Nazi interrogation of a French farmer and a later a tavern basement guessing game scene must have had whopping page counts but they play out as chapters and remain engrossing high stakes set pieces. In the same film he can introduce a character by throwing a title onto the screen as if this member of the "Basterds" was cool enough to have his own movie, or play a 1980's David Bowie song while a woman prepares to do battle in her own way while Nazi flags hang outside the window.

The movie takes place in an alternate universe that could either be a dream or the unreality of the grind-house era Tarantino has celebrated in Kill Bill and, well, Grindhouse. Anyone with a brain will get that. If that sounds good, see it. I notice now there are blurbs about "how Jewish critics feel" about the movie. Well, those who go to a movie with a deliberately misspelled title knowing it is a revisionist fantasy and can't bear to see the character of Hitler as the butt of the joke don't have an opinion worthy of note.

If you are an expert on NASA, your views on George Lucas' Star Wars movies are not necessarily of use to me. In fact it's a little galling that such a critic-proof designation as "Jewish critic" should be trotted out. They can say what they like about a sensitive document with the intentions of Schindler's List and God bless them. But if someone gets his boxers in a bunch over slapstick Nazis or clueless Hitler autographing the Grain Diary for Indiana Jones, then they just aren't going to be the right audience for Inglourious Basterds. In fact they shouldn't be watching fun movies at all. They should try staring at a blank wall and talking to themselves rather than type up their blather.

But it's not all fun. Sad things do happen and unfortunate events occur in this movie. The tension even in dialog does come from the danger of having a Nazi at the table or someone daring to ask him to leave. But when you get reviewers comparing the Basterds to Al Qaida I think we can excuse those critics from the table as well. Or call Eli Roth over to them and yell "Play ball!"

Random 15 flicks that stick (to me) I suppose

Thanks to Derek and Adam for suggesting people try to come up with lists of 15 films that stick to us. Here’s the list I came up with off the top of my head, at first from glancing at my DVD shelf and a few pictures on my wall. No particular order.

Raiders of the Lost Ark – saw it with my Mom a week before it opened at the Capitol in North Bay as a double bill with the Ringo Starr / Shelly Long opus “Caveman.” I must have been 13 so I should have known the plot would not take Harrison Ford into space but it did not. I remember reacting to a rope in the background as if it was another snake behind Indy. I remember some talking scenes that bored me, and yet I now can recite them word for word.

The Empire Strikes Back – saw this with my Dad while visiting Windsor. Whatever the plan was we had to get to a theater. I remember the first time noticing (I think the place was called the Center Theater) a sound system that made it seem like a TIE fighter was flying from behind us and past us, and I remember remarking that Yoda sounded like Grover from Sesame Street. Back home in North Bay I ended up seeing this movie in a theater more than any other. The sounds and music are part of the score of those formative years, and so I have no objectivity about it. I varied my experience by deliberately choosing different seats each time.

Back to the Future – I saw this at age 17, the age Marty McFly was supposed to be. I hadn’t read anything about screenplays yet but I knew this one had an apparent script that was as perfect as they get. The set-ups and pay-offs were fun even if you could see something coming up seventh avenue. And the movie overall is something I can watch the way that a native supposedly might have climbed to the top of a mountain to look at the horizon and get “focused” that way to clear his vision. But because it is entertaining it is taken for granted. The next year I completed my first 100-page-plus screenplay and have written at least once since each year. So I’m not sure if I should be thankful or hateful of this movie.

American Graffiti – There was a time I watched this at the end of every summer and saw different things in it each time. And unlike Star Wars it isn’t as much a dance of cuts and images that we can watch over and over, but what there is of that aspect is mixed with subject matter sure to trip a person up on the way to school. It is now sold with More American Graffiti which shouldn’t be watched immediately after the first film but it is worth watching in its own right. This is the template teen movie, not Animal House, though I’m not sure kids who have seen American Pie will respond to Graffiti. Maybe.
I’ve been told they will find it too slow, but I think it would play. I think kids today are aware JFK was assassinated and that the Vietnam War happened in the 1960’s.

History of the World Part I – I was chastised recently by one of my sisters for letting her sons watch this, even though they put it on themselves and I think it was her copy. The dialog from this film has peppered dinner table conversation in my family for years, and now generations. If my nephew says, “Move that miserable piece of shit” he’s not being rude. And I credit this film for all of my education about the Spanish Inquisition.

The Passion of the Christ – I expected this to be about as involving as being dragged to mass. But a story that was like going through the motions all these years came to life and was chilling. Zealots really should have been forbidden to bring small kids to this. It’s not a prayer meeting. But I was most struck by the fact that subtitles were not really necessary. The performances convey everything they have to and the specific words are a bonus. It is not a movie to see over and over, but it sticks. It didn’t fill me with hate either. A thief says something hateful and gets his eyes plucked by a crow and you feel kind of bad for the guy. I did feel some hate engaging the detractors and combating a lot of disinformation. But I got over it.

Schindler’s List – Ten years passed between the first and second time I saw this movie, mainly because it was another “experience” and because I remembered it as being more traumatic than it was. The film has a lot of balance and is often misrepresented. Spielberg knows he doesn’t have to focus on every death or bog down in a recitation of statistics. He could have made Night and Fog with his eyes closed, but the director of that film could not have made this.

Copland - Once of those times it was nice to see Stallone get his voice back again. But I mostly remember DeNiro as an internal affairs cop being told don’t shit where you eat and replying, “I do. I live in a house. I eat there and I shit there.”

Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic – This was done before her TV show and it bombed but I looked for it after seeing a clip on youtube. I watched this over and over, just let it play because it was like the first time I heard Steve Martin’s tape or Eddie Murphy Delirious. The idea that someone can say outlandish things in just the right way that it re-frames reality, tragedy and stupidity while seeming effortless and cheeky.

Innerspace – What sticks with me is this one very visual “reveal” shot that introduces a new element to the story and characters. I won’t say what it is and it may even have fallen out of favor with today’s audiences. But this movie also has a great energy and zaniness I can’t explain though I often think about it. Weak title but a great flick. If gleefully includes the trappings of a bad b-movie and yet it’s quite good.

The Green Mile – the supernatural sibling of Shawshank, I think people may fuse the two but I think most often this movie is dismissed even though its dark aspects are uncompromised. I remember reading the serial novel while I lived in a crappy apartment and I was very concerned about the fate of Mr. Jingles while at the same time celebrating the death of a real mouse that had eaten some poison I had put out. Ultimately though this film and Dancer in the Dark should be compulsory viewing before any discussion of capital punishment.

The Phantom Menace – Notice that I don’t use the full title. I could call it the Phantom Premise. I remember the high point of wandering past The Paramount on what was opening night for that theater (later Scotia Bank Theater) and the film itself, and the latest leap in ticket prices. I went just to look at the lines. I was going to wait for my birthday to see the film. I remarked to one of the nerds in line, “They should have a way of scanning each of us to see who is the bigger Star Wars fan and just give that person a free ticket.” At that moment – I shit you not – an usher came out and asked who was here alone. I put up my hand, I was given a free ticket, and I was directed inside. I got an aisle seat and felt like God was looking out for me and everyone felt euphoria when “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. . .” hit the screen. Then something seemed a bit off part of the way in and when Jar Jar dove into the water and we follow him to the Gungan City all I could think of was George Lucas’ old quote before he turned to the dark side, “The fatal mistake that some science fiction or fantasy filmmakers make is that they want to show off the work that they’ve generated on sets and they spend film time on it.” That and a more recent quote that Jar Jar was supposed to be like Steppin Fetchit and it was now glaringly clear why that actor is not remembered like Charlie Chaplin.
I spent a few years in geek hell compulsively re-writing this movie, literally, and no good came of it. But it stuck with me, like a flashback of suffering molestation.

John Carpenter’s The Thing – This I saw on VHS in the dawn of home video at a time where 13 and 14 year olds and younger habitually rented almost exclusively R-rated movies at the local convenience store. As painful as it was to watch people cut their fingers so their blood could be tested the most traumatic stuff involves seeing dogs rip apart. When this happened it signaled to me my friend Claude that this filmmaker Carpenter “doesn’t give a shit” which is not to mean that he is indifferent about his craft but that the usual boundaries of good taste will not apply and there is no telling how disturbing the movie will get.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind – My mom took me to see this before I had heard of it, maybe to make up for the fact that I wasn’t allowed to see Star Wars for the first year of its release because the Canadian term for PG was “Adult Entertainment” or something back then. Not even Adult Accompaniment either, which would be our PG-13. So instead of being exposed to R2-D2 I got to see the floor grating unscrew and stove burners glow on their own and the little kid pulled by unseen aliens out the doggie door and ripped from his mother’s hands. Luckily my attention span was (and is) bad enough that by the end of the movie when we all love the nice hand-signals of the big fetus-looking aliens I had forgotten about all the trauma they put people through conducting their abductions.

Night Shift – One of my favourite movies. An unknown (to me) Michael Keaton instantly being a star that I looked forward to seeing in other movies. Even the name star Henry Winkler is cast against type and nothing at all like Fonzie. I eventually saw Risky Business which has a similar normal-guy-becomes-pimp storyline, but I saw that once on video and had no interest in seeing it again though I didn’t dislike it. Night Shift though had something strange going on. Despite its raunchy premise it was very clearly about values and respect.

Too much free time: yellow journalists

I know I have too much free time when I'm clicking the response button and talking back to lame "entertainment columnists."

I haven't gotten around to chastising hack Ryan Porter for his blurb about Gwenyth Paltrow supposedly not being everybody's chum on the set of Iron Man 2 and not palling around with the new girl Scarlett Johansson who plays one of the villains. I expect that there are any number of reasons that she might feel stand-offish to SOMEONE on the set - like whoever fed the story to reporters. Like maybe she has developed a good asshole-detector over the years. And maybe there is a method in her - Method - keeping apart from a character that she is supposed to have anymosity toward. Even the releationship between Pepper Potts and Iron Man has tension. Why losen up? The trend is to try to "make fun of" Goop the website of Paltrow, but after looking at it I don't see it as being any worse than other similar sites. It's not my cup of tea. I'd like to read journals from her about acting. But it's the kind of thing only a queen like Ryan Porter could pretend to find fault with.

Here is what I wrote to some other gossip hound about an unrelated story.

Amber, your blurbs aren't as bad as Ryan Porter but I'm considering not having sympatico as my home page after so may gossipy, catty little "reports" even if and when they actually originate with TV Guide.

Jeff Goldblume being a TV and movie star of some note, charismatic and well liked, it would possibly be a news flash if he was dating a 60 year old matron.

Is Ellen Degeneres' wife Portia younger and prettier? Yes.

Does Rosie O'Donnell look for prettier and fitter women? Yes.

Did Ian McKellen ever show up at an awards night with a very young man beside him? Yes.

So it's not even like it's an affectation of straight males in power. There is no scandal or strangeness in an older established star attracting and enjoying a younger mate.

Nor is it all that unusual for a young woman to look for someone more mature.

If Jeff has a young chick - score. Otherwise why bother dating? The myth I think these kinds of "issues" perpetuate is that a younger lover is disposable and superficial whereas an "age appropriate" (my gossip standards) pairing is automatically deep, meaningful and lasting.

In reality, starting a new relationship over 40 years old with someone in your own age range guarantees nothing except the chance to share declining years. People may actually be more likely to "use" someone in their "league" as a maintenance date until something better comes along (in which case a lot of need and baggage may be at stake). They are less likely to discard someone who is igniting lust and vitality.

Anyway, that's my reaction to Jeff's perfectly normal choice of girlfriend.

Screenplays 101

I wrote a 101 page draft of someone else' script and the producer ultimately didn't like it. I can't just say to a friend, "WTF do you know about screenwriting???" All I can do is follow my gut. The previous draft was generated through the work of two other writers over the course of a couple of years and I found it unprofessional, despite the fact that they were paid for it. I stand by my own re-write, despite the fact that it was don in less than two weeks. If I get cocky I'll feel like the Cleese character in Life of Brian who says, "This is the Messiah and I should know - I've followed a few." You could argue that being able to patiently wade into 100 pages of script and keep it simple and focused isn't enough. I haven't made a living doing it.

Ten years from now I may still be shaking my fist at the sky and defiantly writing away at scripts and rolling a camera and being a writer-director without a career in that vocation. I mean the producer who hasn't written a screenplay and whose writing I haven't seen will now go through it and try to write "more scenes." I have said I don't know what that means because every scene should have a function. So even in the low-budget/ no budget independent world there is the specter of compromise. The only blessing is that if I don't like the final product I don't have to direct it.

A positive by-product is the benefit of writing for long stretches and focusing.
The down side is that this is how I invested my days off during a, say, break from my job. Maybe the exercise pushed me, and maybe it is the idea that someone is waiting to see the script, but then maybe the crash that usually follows a creative exertion is what I have left to apply to my own original scripts. I don't know. I'll keep opening up my files and looking at them as if someone else wrote them so I can be brutal. I don't think reading amateur scripts is as helpful as looking at earlier drafts of produced films I love. Each one of us feels like the misunderstood artist/God who is going to be Charlie Kaufman if people don't "get" what we've written or if it doesn't seem to have obvious plot points on the right pages. But I think that Kaufman has his process and scene for scene his movies remain interesting. The "industry reader" view isn't much help, considering some of the films that get made. You can argue that the recommended screenplay submitted may not resemble the shooting script, but for me most unsold drafts just aren't ready to even be read by me or a screen-writing circle or any reading group. You can have a self-styled guru of screenplay who writes a rambling "personal" script about their own home town and growing up which they value because it is "true." Maybe we should all just tell each other that we are generating too much crap.

I think as long as a script is looked at as a "draft" it's most useful. I dashed something off in under two weeks - clearly a draft - keeping everything that worked and making everything else work as well as it could. And it was literally thrown out a window. By my friend who is the producer. Funny that she actually admitted that. Well, moving on.

I attended a reading of scripts by others last week that had a strange impact on me.
I wanted to sleep. I could hardly keep my eyes open. Actors did the best they could and I tried to be attentive. I'm not sure that process served anything. The comments and questions were very kind. I selfishly thought Gee, how many times have I submitted something to this group and THIS is what makes the grade??? I mean we are all passionate about our labors of love, and that aspect is interesting. But my God I would be cutthroat if I was in a position of choosing. One script was a competent rendering of an historical story that I had no interest in, and the other seemed like a Moonlighting remount. I regret I didn't hear the moderation of the second script because the moderator was the director of Airplane II and it would have been interesting to hear his view on its gags. I did get a glimpse of how time weighs on us though. While I still have a spark of smart-ass I have to get my own scripts all done, and sold or shot. But then this leads to what opportunity? Do you dash off your longest-gestating projects so that you can accept someone else' deadline and take their ideas and "make it work" ?

I used to have this idea that there is an arts community that is supportive, and I lived that way I think for a while. If I like someone's work I'll be a fan. But ultimately this thing we are all in love with is empty. It isn't like a fixed point of reference - like being a Star Wars fan in 1980 where there was only so much Star Wars meant. Instead what we are all connected by is a desire to see our own work flourish and to attain some sort of status legitimately. It's a bit hollow. If it was all about the process of writing there would be more proof-reading and less back seat driving.

Barbarella and brands

I'm not sure Barbarella is a brand name. The Jane Fonda version isn't so bad. It's got style and entertainment value. But I think it is an artifact of its time (of production). The 1980 Flash Gordon movie also has a sketchy reputation, but I think it's the better film. Despite that, I'm not sure why its box office failure enthuses the 90-year old Dino De Laurentis to announce his remake of the similarly stylized and unusual Barbarella.

When Drew Barrymore announced that she would be producing and starring in a new Barbarella, I could take it or leave it. She is cute and she is Gertie, so I'd wish her well, but the Charlies Angels reboot was just okay and felt like a wasted exercise except for the pressence of Bill Murray and Crispin Glover.

When "D." dropper her project and Robert Rodriguez announced that he had written his own Barbarella which he would direct and which had been storyboarded as a "sexy Star Wars tone," there was a movie on my must see list. The only downer was that he planned to cast his talented girlfriend Rosie McGowan (machine gun leg chick in Planet Terror) as Barbarella. Had Grindhouse been more of a hit, that might have been allowed. But generally for an American studio to bankroll a big sci-fi movie they might demand -- Drew Barrymore? Likely not. Angelina Jolie with her activist reputation might be am interesting new Jane Fonda.

The project is being poorly reported in "entertainment news" blurbs but I think the way it breaks down is this:

Rodriquez did finally find investers overseas who would accept McGowan but he would have to shoot and edit in Europe.

His public announcement was that he didn't want to spend months away from his children, which may be true. But is also means that Troublemaker Studios which he runs virtually through his own house in Austen Texas would not be shooting it or serving it for effects and the Rodriquez method of working would be compromised.

This means that there is a written and storyboarded Robert Rodriquez movie of Barbarella that will sit in limbo. Maybe De Laurentis and his family think failed versions have had enough publicity that any movie called Barbarella will generate interest. Speaking as a genre movie fan, a little older than the key demographic, I'd have to say Rodriguez has the project I'm interested in and I can't even remember the name of the director De Laurentis has in mind for his version.

On the one hand, Sin City shows that Rodriguez can use big names and there are plenty of women who can pull off Barbarella as a part. On the other hand I'm sure it would strain his relationship with McGowan if after all these years he goes ahead with Barbarella played by someone else. I have nothing against McGowan, and the real star would be the whimsical Rodriquez diretorial personality.

What needs to happen is McGowan needs a gimmick or stunt in a major film that makes her a name brand star. Cameron Diaz can thank the accidental use of sperm as hair gel, Meg Ryan thanked her ability to fake orgasm in public, neither of which represents either actress' body of work to follow. McGowan has already dated Marilyn Manson in real life, so I don't know what she does to shock an audience into making Rosie McGowan a household name. But frankly I hope the De Laurentis version doesn't happen. I won't see it.

I'll see the Rodgriguez version. I might not have seen all of his kid-friendly movies. I may have missed one. But his other films are fun and his version of Barbarella might be the big gesture he needs to make his own name a bigger brand in the eyes of a studio. It's too bad we never got to see his version of Zorro. His (then) wife had bought the rights for him, and he brought in Antonio Banderas, and then the Dreamworks machine came in. They believed in him for being cost efficient, said the budget was $30 million and then later he found out $15 million of that was going to the Holy Dreamworks Trinity (Spielberg/Katzenberg/Geffin) as their fee and the remaining $15 million was what he had to make the film. Not much more than the total budget of his previous film, s not much of a step up and not much of an endorsement of his talent - just his efficiency. He would be in a position of appearing to exploit his crew and cast because of his low-budget reputation. When he then quit the project, Martin Campbell who had enjoyed a hit with Goldeneye was given $60 million dollars. I don't know how much of that went to the Trinity. And nothing at all against Spielberg and his friends. If I have a favourite director it is likely Spielberg, and I've taken a lot of heat for that. But the money aspects are funny. Value and perceived value are so strange. Is Martin Campbell a better and more talented director than Robert Rodriguez? Is Judd Apatow a better director than Kevin Smith? Or is it more likely that you can give each person the same budget and come up with similar production values? There is no question that Rodriguez was under-valued on Zorro - if for no reason than he had been preparing to make it by any means necessary when there was no outside big money interest. We lost the chance to see a Latino director get a proper (middle-range for the time) action movie budget to handle THE big mexican hero brand name. After that, Rodriguez did a couple of years under the radar doing second unit on other people's movies keeping his skills active while his own company could be built. So if there is a Barbarella movie at all other than one produced at Troublemaker and directed by Rodriguez I'm just not interested.

bots and silly glitches

I noticed someone on twitter being reassured that their numbers of followers were not going down because people deleted themselves but because Twitter itself was clearing away bots. I almost bought that.

But twitter seems the more transitory internet distraction. Once I know someone is a spammer, I remove them. That's if I have the time. And how many updates do you need from people you a) have never heard of who b) are not famous ?

It's interesting to see posts from a familiar name as long as it isn't a fraud.

But for me the only real use is to post links to any short I might happen to make, or a piece of video that everybody has to see - from youtube more often than not.

I have a few beefs with youtube which I plan to snail mail them because I can't figure out how to e-mail them, likely by design.

If you post an HD video, it may look great when you first check it. Perfectly clear and full. But then either a) there may be choppiness or freezing or b) it may default to non-HD, which is WORSE than regular DV because it is soft focus. People have to go to the trouble of clicking the HD tab, which they may not automatically do, especially not until they have grown frustrated by a blurry picture. So the HD tends to lose a bit of its luster. The question is whether this is a temporary glitch and Youtube will soon be able to support HD uploads more efficiently, or whether we are all doomed - DOOMED!

I'm almost finished reading The Kill Bill Diary, by David Carradine, which is quite good and can easily be picked up and put down between subway rides. At the moment it's the sanity book I'm carrying, something to read and focus on if I can keep my eyes open. The subway has a natural sleep-inducing current or something. I think it messes with neurons or something. But my study is far from scientific, since most of my use has been going to and from a night shift and once you get into the subway and have no duty or crisis to look at there is a tendency to shut down.

That must be the microcosm of people retiring early and then dying because they are not occupied. Even if I'm in dire straights over the next month I plan to occupy myself somehow. I may even shoot some video when I'm in North Bay at the beginning of August. Before I go away I'd better see what can be set up for the rest of August and what plans are ahead for something I'm helping shoot on the 7,8,9th.

Knowing to plan ahead isn't enough sometimes. I should have had a blood test for a doctor's appointment next week. Haven't had it yet. If you see a doctor every three months and usually get a form filled out for a blood test you have three months to misplace it. It's like an archeological breakthrough when I find something in my apartment. I found a rotten banana in my backpack the other day. I had been wondering what the weird smell was. This is the result of grocery stores charging 5 cents for plastic bags. We become more environmentally conscious and use whatever bag is at hand. There is room in a bag of gym clothes for some food, and also maybe some room for it to become lost under something. The banana would not have gone bad if I was doing more filming as I had planned this summer, because I would have to put my camera in there.

waiting and patience

7 months of restraint before even suggesting that there is a shark in the water and keeping the beaches open.

That's not enough for some people. You don't even have to name the shark. You don't have to threaten to close beaches. The shark swims right up and asks if you have a problem with him.

Amity Island politics make a lot of sense. More true to life than it gets credit.

"You're the mayor of shark city. People think you want the beaches open."
- Chief Brody, 1975

"Smile you son of a *bang* " is another good line, strangely also applicable to politics.

But I've decided my written self is the real me. It's less nice and more sarcastic.
There is an instinctive low key mode I got from security work, very suppressed, face to face. But facts and afterthoughts and revisions are as true as the mess that we speak or the politeness that and physical limitations and environmental constraints that stifle us face to face or over a phone. Verbal and visual cues only tell you maybe how strong a person is at a given moment, as superficial as choosing who to dance with in a dark, noisy club.

I have had some pretty nice people play dumb to my face. Then there are those who don't get back to you at all. If I'm strung along enough and an opportunity finally opens up, I think I have to be honest that my bitterness exists and the window of opportunity is closed. Years of waiting pass, patience may be a polite word for resignation. It's like how many years you can think about a woman out of reach as "the one" before she finally comes around and she resembles neither the mental picture nor a photographic one you've carried around. That's just life. But for most of the things we look forward to and identify as a goal have a shelf life. There is a time when we are most ready and fertile to act, when energy and whimsy and
willingness to take risks are a natural part of the voice.

You know something, if a slogan on the cover of a book says "uncompromising security" and you are supposed to turn a blind eye to an abusive authority figure who skulks around committing a felony unpunished there is going to be bitterness.

If I - in my vocation of film making - insist on writing a script and then hear a lot of blather about the merits of improvisation or stealing jokes, it tends to render the exercise useless. If I psychologically carry the baby of a movie script for several years and then someone with arbitrary and unknowing judgment says that I can't direct my own script, I'll be honest with you I'll risk flushing the whole project down the toilet.

If a producer asks me for a sample or a submission of something - you know what? I want to know that they received it and maybe even what they thought or when a judgment will be made. And if they can't do that I think: how will they approach the day-to-day grind of producing and providing for the film?

Waiting may be my whole life. You wonder why a movie or any action taken on anything takes months or years? It has nothing to do with the actual doing of anything. If I had the money and the right set-ups for distribution and the proper paperwork so a project is "in the loop" and expected to be made, I'd start right into it immediately. While I still have a bit of youth left in me and I can still walk, I don't hear the words "Hakuna matatta" or "don't worry be happy" the same way as others. I am not celebrating. I'll celebrate when I'm on some sort of track.

I just want to give people a shake. I LOVE rejection letters, because they are closure and they can be filed in case someone claims that I owe them some sort of acknowledgment. I'd love to have someone quit early so it's their decision and I'm not acting on whims. Frankly if I don't hear back from a girl or a job or a collaborator, I write them off and move on. Their judgment or priorities aren't a good sign. If I know someone is hanging by a thread for my response, I give it as soon as possible. But even in Toronto which is supposed to be an ambitious town with people on the go I hear a hell of a lot about lazy, boring, crap. Maybe I'd look at that stuff differently if I was DONE something important or the huge backlog of little somethings.

This after three beers tonight and some cashews.

paved with good intentions

For years I've had this screenplay story about guards working for a client who turns out to be corrupt. In hindsight, maybe not the most earth-shattering innovation as a premise goes.

In 2001 it was read with actors at the Victory Cafe as part of Robert Graham's First Draft meetings. It went over well and I enjoyed the actors. It featured one young woman who had months before bailed out on one of my sort films.

There was to be another reading of a further draft at the same venue, but it was then after 9/11 had happened and I think that threw me off kilter. How I could get the date wrong for an event where actors were learning my lines I'll never get over.

Over the years, I've rewritten the script to open it up, which frankly does not always work. I've had any number of groups read it, the most outlandish feedback being a suggestion that zombies be outside the door. I have certainly thought about zombie guards, and that may be something to consider in the next leg. It's been a 100 page screenplay and also a radio drama, at least in written form. As to the political content of how to combat someone in authority, I don't know how it resolves.

By now I should know the drill (maybe a little too late). If you know someone has committed a crime, and your evidence isn't enough to impress police, first make your case to the legal department of the security company. Then when they rule that you may not under any circumstances shake up the life of the perpetrator, stick to anonymous e-mail. Even if questions are raised about who could possibly see security cameras but security guards. The only problem with that approach is that the legal department will recognize your arguments if they see the unofficial report.

So maybe I still haven't learned anything. Maybe the wrong way I do things, which gets me into trouble, still remains the correct way. If your company knows who the culprit is and there is no discussion with police because you don't want to jeopardize an account, then everybody looks bad.

One thing I can say is this - something I did right: keep the offender's name out of it. But let them know everybody in security knows and how they know. That way he might walk right up and try to fish for more answers. Then you have the icing on the proof cake. Though for various reasons you may not be able to get into details yet. I don't especially like being coy or cryptic but when I have to I can leave it at that. I think it's pretty reasonable to wish to see a felon face punishment, even if it means being a bit of a scapegoat yourself.

Big smile, big smile

I was watching Chaplin the other day, Robert Downey Jr.'s most celebrated role, and I had forgotten "Big Smile, big smile" was from that as he prepares for The Great Dictator improvising snippets of faux German while watching Hitler footage. I had thought the line was from Lethal Weapon 2.

I'm thinking "smile and the world smiles with you," trying to get some perspective. Yet another summer is no longer ahead of me. The days aren't getting any longer. Not getting as much shooting done as intended. Getting specific actors together can be a feat. Ensuring that they have all read the script is another hurdle.

Meanwhile my job is undergoing a transition, so a predictable pattern is no longer going to be there. Moving on to re-adjust at another site which may or may not last. But at the end of life I won't be thinking about a job, only a career that will either happen in film or won't. I may have to take a big risk and be unemployed a while, just for the time to focus on updating my writing and storyboarding and actual shooting.

It's not like I've been distracted by being a husband or a parent. I live in a town where anything can happen, and yet I wait and gain weight. I once wrote poems, plays and short stories always with the expectation that they would circulate. What's missing now is a certain anger, an agression, willingness to wage war to get things done. I mentally spin my wheels and know I have to get some traction and move forward. I look at a script and think how many Harry Potter movies have come out since I wrote this or that?

The relaxed or sedated mindset I have - an unearned happiness or false peace - feels like a chemical thing. Something is off. Or is it from watching too many DVDs? What may save me is the edge and anger I reclaim thanks to some of the idiots I have to deal with.

movies from 1968

I avoid the Facebook applications, usually, that ask for five of this or that random list.
But I noticed one about the year of your birth and it struck me that I couldn't name
any movie released in 1968. Later in life I'd mark time by movies that were released:

1975 - Jaws
1977- Star Wars
1980 - Empire Strikes Back
1981- Raiders
1982 - E.T., The Thing, Blade Runner (a good year)
1983 - Return of the Jedi, Vacation
1984 - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Ghostbusters
1985 - Back to the Future, The Breakfast Club
1986 - Stand By Me, Howard the Duck (remembered like trauma)
1987 - Fatal Attraction
1988 - Die Hard, Willow
1989 - Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Back to the Future II
1990 - Back to the Future Part III

From that point on it's a blur. But I hadn't thought to google the movies
that came out the year of my birth. Don't know if it means anything.
Nice to know there were some good ones. Without much thought I've
put them into personal preference order or "importance."

1968 movies – Personal Ranking (for not putting 2001 first, I have already been called a dink, but I disregard that; why be a phony - it's not a favourite of mine)

Amblin’ (Spielberg short)
The Producers
The Party
The Odd Couple
Once Upon a Time in the West
The Lion in Winter
Bullitt
The Thomas Crown Affair
Planet of the Apes
2001: A Space Odyssey
Barbarella
Night of the Living Dead
Rosemary’s Baby
Charly
Romeo and Juliet
Faces
The Love Bug
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Yellow Submarine
Oliver!
Funny Girl

1968 Movies I Haven’t seen:

Finian’s Rainbow (Coppola; intend to see)
Head (starred The Monkeys, written by Jack Nicholson)
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
The Fixer
The Subject was Roses (heard of the play)
Star!
If…
Rachel, Rachel
The Battle of Algiers

funnyordie Summer

Summer Solstice - watch more funny videos

The Blog

Today I slept a lot once I got home from the usual night shift. With my meds I had to eat something before bed so I consumed half a box of Kraft dinner and three pieces of fried chicken with diet Ginger Ale while watching a new but somehow glitchy DVD of Twins. As I type this vital record on a faulty keyboard I look back at how easy it is to turn "shift" into "shit."

But at least things are looking up on one front. My teeth have been better and my knee though week doesn't explode in pain when I try to climb stairs. I'm reading The Dark Side of Genius and getting myself into the movie mindset I had back in 1994 after college when I found Capra's autobiography in a used book store and re-fed the insane dreamstate caused by reading Skywalking by Dale Pollock years before. Even if I don't prove to be a Lucas or a Hitchcock, like moves forward only if we avert the tyranny of rationalization.

I'm a little worried about a feature script that was to be submitted to Telefilm months ago. Now I find out they won't consider anything with "sex and violence" in it, which - believe it or not doesn't apply to The Adventures of Porno the Clown. There is a pointed lack of nudity, and what action there is wuld be the equivalent of Nerf playfighting. There arfe other things I won't go into in a public blog though. I'm sure the best of intentions are all around. I feel like there is some way to force this machine into motion.

But how effective am I? Have to get out of my own head. The other day I was lugging a tripod after a shoot and stopped by the Pape library. I was waiting beside a woman who seemed familiar there with her child. Though I had a tripod in my arms I don't think she flashed a charitable interpretation of the fact that I looked at her. I wasn't in an esily conversant mode or I might have said, "Hey, do you make films in Toronto?" She seemed to have slimmed down since starring in "Unsettled" directed by her sister Ruba Nadda, which I bought on VHS from Ruba herself before the tape entered any festivals. Oddly, since the VHS had been put onto a disc for safety by my friend Simon I had then imported it into my editing program (intending to just make a copy) and a "phantom edit" which trims more then 20 minutes and reorders a few scenes. My own VHS had been borrowed by Simon's brother and was misplaced years ago, so it was interesting to see again. At the time, it just seemed less strong compared to Ruba's first feature and Sabah her big time third feature. Unsettled was better upon second viewing, and I never knew whether the coppies we got in 2002 or thereabouts was the final. But suffice to say I've had to look at this actress during my unauthorized edit so I recognized her. But either I wasn't myself at that point, or I was dead on my feet after a "Porno the Clown" shoot. It seems random the times that I can speak up. Once I make a commitment to introverted mode it is difficult to pull out. Then I seem rude, aloof or just a creep. I think standing waiting for a bus is what really retards me.

Do or Die

There is the great line in Shawshank Redemption, "Get busy living or get busy dying." I've always wanted to see a spoof where someone hears that, solemly nods and later we hear a gunshot off camera and a thump as he falls dead.

Summer is like that. Great enough weather to get the camera out, but maybe either my scripts aren't ready or the ones that are I haven't got the passion or specific mischeif to set about shooting. I thought for sure I would have shot my one about Siamese Twins by now. I won't mention the specific element that sets them apart from "Stuck on You." But even if I like my satire, once I've communicated it in a script I need to be driven to get past that.

Recently I had a tooth problem solved, and it reminded me how little I have to complain about. Most of my complaints originate with my choice to eat the wrong food and do too little exercise. I'm oddly not uncomfortable, but adrift and the current is taking me farther away from the reason to exist - whatever efforts I have invested my life in.

Film directing and writing are the main passions, but it seems to take a bit longer now. Some actors are great and accessible only for shorts. Others would pay thousands of dollars to take acting courses or improve exercises but then insist on being paid to make a movie that will actually give them something decent (if not the only item) on their reel. One thing I know is that time is ticking and there is kind of a deadline. I feel myself becoming somewhat more misanthropic, set apart, and in the wrong position to direct the attention of an audience and expect success.

I will very soon lose all interest in some of the simpler and sharper ideas that at least a handful of people enjoy. I should be married and have kids by now, but more importantly I should be able to support them with an excellent moviemaking career. The disease is enough that I hardly even look at the stage plays I've written, much less made the effort to book a space and start rehearsals. Maybe because movies are the white whale that will eventually kill me.

I've started reading The Dark Side of Genius about Alfred Hitchcock, figuring that should help keep me grounded nicely. Whether or not grounding is the thing I need. I'm sedated. Maybe as a result of too many pills. I have to get a passport, a new doctor, some acupuncture to the backs of my legs, and a reason to set foot out side of Ontarion for the first time in my adult life. I thought living in Toronto was a leap, but I still find a comfortable groove. I'm too accepting. I wonder what will happen when I finally snap.

putting off health

There are some things that need to be actually written into a daily planner.

Definitely getting to a dentist. Apparently a split molar isn't something to ignore for awhile. My left jaw hurts like hell. Put some expsensive ambosol in there this morning so I could sleep a bit. But at work now I still have to deal with it. Swishing some mouthwash over the area helps for a few minutes. I'll likely go through a bottle before my shift is done.

My right knee still has something not quite right. May get it ex-rayed on Monday.

Also have to ask OHIP to look up records as far back as 2004 when the Rudd Clinic lost my results from something there and claimed I was a no show. Not that I'm planning a belated lawsuit. I just like to know.

It would have been better to assume from the start that "we're taking care of it" is not something to believe and that ultimately it's better to find out immediately if someone is trying to avoid giving you bad news. Need to prevent hemmoroids as much as possible too. Maybe permanently. I mean how do I plan for anything? Pain in the ...

Have to settle on a new doctor and a dentist as well, not necessarily in that order.
Man, been a while since I've had a real persistant tooth ache. I can only swish so much mouthwash in there to numb it. Man, pain is an inconvenience. It's worse if I lie down.

Movie director birthdays today

a) George Lucas
b) Robert Zemeckis
c) Sofia Coppola

Happy birthday all.

I realize Cate Blanchett turns 40 today. Happy birthday to her.
But for years I've just thought of the directors who share this birthday.

Mother's Day

Happy mother's day, mom. Although it's safe to say she won't likely read this blog.

I planned in advance this year and got some flowers ordered, annoying the operator by repeatedly making sure the morning would be time of delivery.

Now she won't be at home until the afternoon. Oh. well.

Porky's and Star Trek

Last night I sat down and watched a DVD I got from the public library. I hadn't seen it since it first hit VHS more then 26 years ago. It's about friendship loyalty, antisemitism, racism, and the trouble of finding a bad guy that can make a bunch of horny kids of little distinction seem like heroes. A local brothel in the 1950's, run by the brother of a corrupt Sherrif whose station is next door, is run with little concern for repeat business. Customers may return, but usually to seek revenge. The unlikely system is that Mr. Porky has located his strip club in a free standing structure suspended over water for no apparent reason other than to give Porky a place to dump people. Apparently the regular clientelle don't mind their strippers right beside the police department. The third act of the film is the most entertaining and upbeat, and Porky makes a perfect punching bag as an antagonist so bad and mean that he defies logic or motivation of any kind. Basically he is fat and mean without a bit of business sense. He of course is balanced out by Ms Ballbricker as the minor heavy and her petty tyranny at the school railing against anyone who has sex. It's a formula that obviously worked but on reflection even the turning of the tables with their "good" police officer and the community inexplicably coming together seems a little starry-eyed. It reminds me of perhaps the one good line in the awful "It's Pat," while seeing if they have anything in common Pat's mate Chris says, "You know what I'm against? Senseless evil." Porky is a fat man who seems to have aquired riches by antagonizing potential customers from the nearest town. At least with Ballbricker one look at her explains why she hates youth, pretty girls, and peeping penises.

Star Trek (2009) I saw at the first Toronto matinee I was aware of, only because I was unaware there had been screenings the previous day. D'oh! In a couple of places my eyes glazed over a bit listening to time travel and black holes being explained, but those were brief and the movie itself has momentum to get past it. Knowing the original crew characters will be an advantage, since much of the fun is in the subtle recognition of habits and moves or quips we know. But it is almost more of a homage to Nicholas Meyer's Wrath of Khan and The Undiscovered Country going by what is referenced. Although I am assured that there are more references to the TV series, which sounds reasonable enough. If people haven't seen any Star Trek and want to be up to speed, The Naked Time, and Space Seed episodes from the original series, then the Features The Wrath of Khan, The Search for Spock, The Voyage Home and The Undiscovered Country in that order will be excellent preparation for the new Star Trek. I have no idea whether it plays as well for people who don't know the characters. They might feel on the outside of an inside joke. The main thing is that at least the evil antagonist here has a grudge we can understand, which will be apparent when you see it. Good logical flick.

bad movie warning signs

I'm not recommending anyone see Empire Records, but it's a recent viewing that comes to mind. It came with Singles by Cameron Crowe on the same DVD and looked like a deal. With a better script, Alan Moyle can make a good movie (New Waterford Girl. Pump Up the Volume), but with a weak one you can only ask so much even with a mostly talented cast. About 14 minutes into Empire Records there's a little scene of head bopping and hair-flinging dance as the cast begin their day at the record store. It brings to mind the dancing at the end of The Breakfast Club, except that in the John Hughes classic the dancing is EARNED and very welcome after some heartsearching dialog and character development. Here, in Empire Records, it's off-putting cutsey-pie crap. The only sign of something happening is that the manager Anthony LaPaglia doesn't immediately fire an employee who has stolen and gambled away a day's cash but even then it just stands as weirdness. I'm not sure I should go on watching it.

Babelgum

Congrats to Michael O'Hara who was one of the winners in a recent competition with his "Mr. Happy" animation. Getting a free plane trip to see Spike Lee isn't too shabby. It must have been a couple of years ago that short was made. These things take a long time. I know I've tried to upload a few things to Babelgum. I don't know why I've dragged my feet.

Blog of the Blogervilles

I was at the Public Library returning something and there on a cart were a handful of DVDs I either hadn't seen or hadn't seen in a long time so I snatched them up.
The rule of thumb here is that the movie I'm least enthused about will be the one that I get fined for because it will be returned late. It might seem like I really like the movie, refusing to let it go back to the indifferent hands of random strangers. But nope - it is probably boring and a chore to watch. If you ask me do I like Roman Polanski movies I'll say of course. That's the prescribed knee-jerk reaction of anyone who insists on calling himself a movie-director (which is what I do because, well, I do make films and at age 40 I'm not sure I can pull off "film student" anymore). Tess was the movie I grabbed. Very happy to see it for free. But I must be right under the wire if I hope to avoid a fine. Turns out it's about people who might buy or sell the name of their family for the sake of status - not subject matter that has me rivited. Then there is a rolling around scene which today we would call - or post-feminist and retro-feminist bloggers would call - a rape scene. Of course the blogs would then be referenced as a source of hard news by an actual paper columnist kind of the way Matt Drudge got the "scoop" and led the journalist profession down the tubes of Lewinskigate a million years ago. I must have watched at least half an hour of Tess by now. Nastasia Kinski is pretty enough and there's nothing wrong with the directing of course. But the movie has inspired me to fill out my tax forms.

P.s. Okay, almost made it throught the whole film. Played it on WinDVD at 1.5 X speed. Somehow it played like a more recent, less plodding, movie - despite still having characters that made me impatient. They all need a slap in the head. The last time I had to play a movie at high speed like this (where you can still hear the audio) was Gerry by Gus Van Sant - a movie about being lost in the desert, which feels about as much fun as being lost in a desert.

what's the big idea ?

So the good news is Rod Carley a guy from Canadore College in my home town of North Bay won TVO's Best Lecturer contest. The bad news is that right after the host introduced the footage of his lecture TVO cut to BLACK. And it's not like we lost the signal or the transmitter went caput coincidentally at that moment. There was still eventually a TVO water mark in the lower right frame. It was apparently on the topic of staging Shakespeare in a modern context, but I'll have to take their word for it that it was good. I'd like to lecture TVO about the blacked out picture and who might be operating the control room at head office. Hmmm.

radio

Gee, still waiting to hear back about a couple of radio scripts I sent in to this guy David Chapman. The last nudge was at the end of March. One was an adaptation of a story he provided and the other was my own original. I'd like to hear them both done. What happens if I don't hear back from someone is the paranoid wheels get spinning.

Then I start thinking something is up. Kind of turns me off of submitting scripts.

Mel Gibson's latest work

PTC Easter Greeting

Anyone can feel free to follow this link and
watch this video, except my mom.

She is not a big Porno the Clown fan,
and there might be one play-on-words too many
in this one:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/f024f7f052/happy-easter-greeting-from-porno-the-clown

Happy Easter

Well, I made it. I was thinking I didn't give up much for Lent, didn't get ashes on my head on Ash Wednesday, didn't kiss the feet of the Cross with a hundred other people (wiped by an alter server with a nice clean cloth after each) on Good Friday. . . but at least I gave up my blogs during Lent. And I stuck with it. Sure I posted this or that on other sites and sent e-mails and ranted verbally into the wind. But I didn't log much. I sat myself down to actually watch The Passion of the Christ on DVD - definitive edition - for the first time without commentary since it was in theaters five years ago. I gave it my full attention. I only took one break, part way through the scourging. That at least offers plenty of opportunity to pick fights on the internet.

I made a few short films - four exactly - during Lent, and a few small things I won't count. There is even a Porno the Clown Easter greeting. I wouldn't want my mom to see that one. I went for a pretty bad play on words. The down side of shooting any form of HD is that I can't paste the code and see the frame properly on one of these blogs.

So even though I did give up this blog, some code was experimentally pasted into the Porno the Clown blog. Which is not the same as blogging about my own life and the issues of the day.

St. Patrick's Day came and went during Lent, a long 24 hours for people who gave up alcohol for Lent.

And on a day that my knee started acting up and I didn't want to go anywhere I saw that an event on Facebook I wanted to support would actually mean dragging my ass downtown into a neighborhood to cast a vote. Then I heard they were out of ballots and I had to hang around for most of the presentations even though it went against the grain to be there at all. Only after voting and supporting my friend's organization did I realize that technically I probably had no right to be there let alone vote in a community to which I didn't belong.

I'm leaving the details out of it for now. Because this is about Easter, not about my psychological piccadillos.

Right now I'm editing a live show that someone else - Jay (Porno the Clown) -videotaped with my camera on two separate performances that don't match in terms of who is on stage and how they are on stage. Very challenging. It's The Shameless Dames Versus the Volcano, their last show. I think Jay did a good job keeping track of what is on stage, even though there will be uncontrollable issues of lighting and sound between the two nights and the idea that dances set to songs are only very loosely in synch.

Hoping it all cuts together in a way that isn't too jarring. Meanwhile Happy Easter. . .

Vote Funny if you follow this link:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/f024f7f052/happy-easter-greeting-from-porno-the-clown

Lent

This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. I remember going into the subway and seeing a lady emerge with a dark smear on her forehead and thinking "Gee, what happened to her" and then on closer inspection wondering what crazy cult she belonged to. Turns out it was mine. Once again the begining of the Season of Lent leading up to Easter finds me with no idea what to give up. I'd say DVDs but I actually bought a Juno DVD that Ash Wednesday afternoon. I'd say red meat, but the "Turkey sub" I had the next day contained bacon. I could say blogging, and maybe I will jump back onto the bandwagon I fell off of and resume giving up my blogging and vital discussion forums.

If you have chanced upon this blog and it seems inactive, there are plenty of embedded videos to be found which might be amusing. Mostly on the level of Mork's appearance on Happy Days or Shatner or Hamill on 30 Rock.

With any luck, after Easter I might have actually accomplished something with the time I've gained letting other people wallow in their opinions about movies and politics. I was going to give up googling dirty words, but let's face it - that's not realistic.

Raspberry to the Raspberries

The Golden Raspberry Awards made a couple of "decisions" this year that were asinine.

They named Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull as worst sequel, prequel or rip-off. So right away that kind of statement says they can't be watching very many movies.

They named The Love Guru as Worst movie of the year, when one of their other nominees was Disaster Movie - the hardest thing I've forced myself to sit through (and on-line, illegally, at that). The Love Guru isn't Austin Powers, but it is in no way what the headlines made it out to be.

I don't know how they decide their "nominees," but any member of their site can vote.

I went so far as to write an e-mail to John Wilson HeadRAZZberry@razzies.com to
point out their (admittedly obvious) core problem:

While anyone can vote, who exactly is a) paying to vote and b) dilligently sitting through the alleged worst movies of the year to determine in all fairness which they feel should be assessed as the worst of the worst?

And you know something, The Happening was a well made movie. It was dark and had something to say and presented disturbing ideas - but if like me you view the world's problems as mostly someone else' fault it has a welcome message.

This is not to say they are always wrong. But noting Ewe Boll as worst director is not something that requires a knack for that kind of observation. You read a blurb or a dozen polls that call him worst, see his movies tank, and there it is. But he doesn't exactly represent the Hollywood elite that the razzies claim to be making fun of.

If you do go to razzies.com, by the looks of some of the ads on their page I'd say make sure you have good spyware protection. It looks like their sponsors aren't exactly top drawer, nor the brilliant minds that frequent that site let alone pay to.

Consider the mentality of people who pay the following rates to participate in discussions at razzies.com and to vote:

Generic RAZZIE Member Rate – Just $25.00
• Annual RENEWAL Rate: JUST $20.00!!
F.O.G. (Friend of Golden RAZZberry) $50.00
• Put 4 Friends (or Yourself and 3 Friends!) on our RAZZIE Membership/Mailing List and SAVE 50% OFF Regular Rates (JUST $12.50 Per Person!)
RAZZberry Inner Sanctum – $75.00
• Acknowledgment in RAZZIE Program (if desired)
• Addition of Up to 6 Names to RAZZIE Membership/Mailing List
Berry Important Member – $100.00
• Acknowledgment in RAZZIE Program (or Guaranteed Anonymity, if desired)
• Addition of Up to 8 Names to RAZZIE Membership/Mailing List
Razzie Supporting Member – $250.00
• Add up to 25 NAMES of friends, co-workers, etc. to The RAZZIE Membership/Mailing List, PLUS: Acknowledgment in the RAZZIE Program (or Guaranteed Anonymity, if desired).
LIFETIME Membership – $500.00
• Add 55 NAMES of friends, co-workers, etc. to The RAZZIE Membership/Mailing List, Acknowledgment in the RAZZIE Program(or Guaranteed Anonymity, if desired)

How long before they delete this video?

There was a great, funny comparison between Forrest Gump and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button online just long enough that thousands of people got to see it before the studio clamped down and had it removed.

Here's one that is so politically incorrect and insensitive that I find it refreshing and genuinely funny. But it will anger some people. It was linked
by imdb.com. I rated it as funny, but the arrow doesn't seem to be pointing so unanimously in that direction:

"I Am Sam Milk" Movie Trailer - watch more funny videos

Happy 25th to Tap

Just a random concert clip. Much more out there to see.

This Is Spinal Tap grows on people. They might not get it fully the first
time they watch it.



Here's a great recent audio interview Vanity Fair did with Tap:

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2009/03/spinal-tap200903

St. Valentine's Day

Following this year's first Friday the 13th, Valentine's Day has gone about as smoothly as it usually does for me. That's the best I can say about it.

According to something I Googled, The British Roman Catholic Church advises that only people married or who have found their soul made should honor St. Valentine on February 14th. Those who are still searching for someone should be praying instead to St. Raphael. That's where I've been going wrong. I know Valentine was beheaded for performing unauthorized weddings, which back then meant Christian weddings.

I forget what I did today, other than watch the Valentines episode of 30 Rock online and the latest My Name is Earl, slepped and worked.

Friday the umpteenth

Voorhees - a jolly bad fell-ow.



If I ever get a rampaging zombie maniac in a vulnerable position, I'll remember that letting a chain strangle him and giving one token stab isn't enough to make sure he's dead. Then I sure won't move his body from the crime scene and throw it off a dock, especially if there is a perfectly good shredder handy - like the one in Fargo - and he has already shown me how to use it. For most of the movie the characters are above-average intelligent for horror victims-to-be. Except for the perhaps intentional laugh it gets for the line, "You better go out to the tool shed" the screenplay (by mostly the same team as Jason X and Freddy Versus Jason) adds to and improves upon the scatter-shot mythology of Friday the 13th many of us ended up seeing at the dawn of VHS and Beta tapes. It's not a straight remake of the 1980 film Sean S. Cunningham (Spring Break) directed. The very beginning is taken from the first, and the ending reminds us of it, but an apparently enchanted locket is added and elements of Part II and Part III are woven into the new movie. This time I stood in a rush line for a free preview screening and the crowd had a positive reaction to it. One person said, "Pretty good. I'd give it a 9" which to me sounds incongruous. I admit I spent much of the movie - especially when there is a cumulative effect of the jeopardy - curled up with my nerves on edge. So the film succeeds in doing what it intended. There is character development, so we care what happens and there is even one guy (other than Mr. Vorhees) that we want to see killed. But I can't give it full marks because of the frustration it leaves me with over the rote ending and the stupidity that allows for it to happen. I didn't expect them to reboot this character only to kill him off for good, but I think given the trauma these characters had gone through they might not permit the denouement to go the way it does. The rest of the audience appeared to have a little better sense of humor about it though.

Ever want to talk back to a critic?

A “Fanboys” review by Roger Ebert becomes a discussion with Jawsphobia

EBERT: A lot of fans are basically fans of fandom itself. It's all about them.

JAWSPHOBIA: So how do you explain them disregarding their own hygiene ?

EBERT: Their objects of veneration are useful mainly as a backdrop to their own devotion.

JAWSPHOBIA: Like Jesus is irrelevant to the Christian?

EBERT: Anyone who would camp out in a tent on the sidewalk for weeks in order to be first in line for a movie is more into camping on the sidewalk than movies.

JAWSPHOBIA: That’s fair enough.

EBERT: Extreme fandom may serve as a security blanket for the socially inept, who use its extreme structure as a substitute for social skills. If you are Luke Skywalker and she is Princess Leia, you already know what to say to each other.

JAWSPHOBIA: Not exactly an ideal springboard to romance, if you recall the films. . .

EBERT: If you know absolutely all the trivia about your cubbyhole of pop culture, it saves you from having to know anything about anything else.

JAWSPHOBIA: How do you explain the enterprising Star Wars fans and Trekkers who write some of the most respected shows today?

EBERT: They're always asking you questions they know the answer to.

JAWSPHOBIA: Asking the Answer Man or me? Who is “you”? How is Fanboys?

EBERT: Its primary flaw is that it's not critical. It is a celebration of an idiotic lifestyle.

JAWSPHOBIA: What lifestyle? Do actual fans end up in replica trash compactors, take pilgrimages to Skywalker Ranch to physically steal movies for friends dying of cancer each week? That lifestyle?

EBERT: If you want to get in a car and drive to California, fine. So do I. So did Jack Kerouac. But. . . . beam your ass down to Route 66.

JAWSPHOBIA: I see. The lifestyle of Jack Kerouac is our yardstick. Very stable.

EBERT: "Fanboys" follows in the footsteps of "Sex Drive."

JAWSPHOBIA: Missed that film. I was “on the road” you might say.

EBERT: This plot is given gravitas because one of the friends, Linus (Christopher Marquette), is dying of cancer.. . . it's one of those movie diseases that is mentioned occasionally so everyone can look solemn and then dropped when the ailing Linus dons a matching black camouflage outfit and scales the Skywalker Ranch walls with a grappling hook.

JAWSPHOBIA: Let me tread lightly here, sir. I know you’ve had close calls with cancer and this is real and serious for you. But someone else can make the movie about sitting around waiting to die. There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to scale walls.

EBERT: "Fanboys" is an amiable but disjointed movie that identifies too closely with its heroes. Poking a little more fun at them would have been a great idea.

JAWSPHOBIA: Just how great? Ever hear the term “easy target?” As it stands, the movie has William Shatner in it. Difficult to forget that the best slams have already been delivered. “You’re almost thirty – have you ever kissed a girl?” So it’s been done and well. I take this movie as being the tone of Detroit Rock City. We can take for granted that loving KISS music is an arbitrary obsession, but it is also about all journeys.

EBERT: They are tragically hurtling into a cultural dead end. . .

JAWSPHOBIA: Only in the most literal 1999 sense, aiming to see The Phantom Menace which is a film that seems to have earned only one “thumbs up” and it was your own lonely thumb. Up what, we don’t want to know.

EBERT: That are mastering knowledge which has no purpose other than being mastered, and too smart to be wasting their time.

JAWSPHOBIA: What knowledge is worthwhile? Movie Answer Man articles? Your DVD commentaries (which I actually like)? Or porn? You know – these people do still have to attend school and get jobs.

EBERT: When a movie's opening day finally comes, and fanboys leave their sidewalk tents for a mad dash into the theater, I wonder who retrieves their tents, sleeping bags…

JAWSPHOBIA: Well, I’ve looked it up Mr. Journalist. They stuff that under the theater seat and hold it on their laps and then they all sit around while one of them reads your advance review. And the ushers walk the aisle with air freshener.

Swearing by Obama

Gread article with interesting clips from an audio book,
sure to provide fun for people on the net as they
wind up re-edited no doubt.

http://tinyurl.com/cvrbap

Bale makes public apology for the rant

I'm posting this without listening to it, since where I'm online there is no sound.
But I'm sure it straightens everything out. I figure the wrong was shared in that episode.

Milk doesn't make it

I had a window of time to catch a film and it happened that Milk by Gus Van Sant was playing. Frankly the publicity about Sean Penn and James Franco kissing turned me off. Jeff Spicolli and the stoner from Pineapple Express?

But Van Sant used some restraint. Unlike the woman who reviewed this movie on Fox describing Harvey Milk as simply "a politician in the 60's," avoiding the G word, I'll tell you he was gay. Meanwhile an upstanding citizen didn't like seeing a perv make more progress than himself so it led to tragedy. But since I didn't know the specifics of that I won't post a spoiler here.



The film has humor and apart from using newsreel and stock footage as the establishing shots between many scenes and one interesting mirror shot at a critical point this is a very simple presentation as Gus Van Sant films go. I think he realizes non arty types have to watch this movie. I had heard about it back when Robin Williams was supposed to play Milk. As good as he is, I think it's more interesting to see the tougher persona of Penn play against type the first openly gay American politician. He never breaks or compromises character, but when he finally shows that he can be cutthroat and doesn't feel guilty about it we accept that more easily from Penn without judgement. Even if you know the cutthroat choice meant his power wouldn't last long.

You mean THIS is what Winehouse SOUNDS like???

I hadn't heard of Amy Winehouse except through "entertainment news" items that pass for news about the entertainment industry. Even if you avoid gossip crap as much as possible, you can't help hearing certain names. For the past couple of years it has been about Amy Winehouse drug problems and rehab and a little blurb when she tried to record a theme for the latest James Bond movie. Since I didn't know her sound I thought it was just a trend-sniffing publicity idea to use her. NOW I'm a little embarrassed having finally searched her on youtube and heard some of her performances. She SHOULD be doing a James Bond theme. In fact, she is the only current singer I can think of who SHOULD be singing James Bond themes. I like her sound and now I see it's a tragedy that she is having trouble. Man whoever put her onto drugs should be shot.

Bale rant - original recording and the dance remix

This brings up a lot of interesting discussion, but I don't know where I stand on it.
The DP for the newest Terminator movie is reputed to (on previous films) blithely wander around during takes rather than be still like everyone else on the crew.
Where Christian Bale refers to the "background" be means his eye-line, not in the frame behind him. Apparently he can tune out the cluster of techs, the director McG and the camera but not the strolling of the DP which offends Bale. What seems incongruous is reference to the DP being "a nice guy. . ." People have pointed out that in the original clip he is only raising his voice to the DP he is angry with, and Bruce the Assistant Director, and McG the director who may like a looser set than James Cameron did back in the day.



Dance remix

When TV eras meet. . .

Chances are I'll miss it. I didn't see this when it aired, but I have to admit as a child of the 70's it is fun to see this intersection with the late eighties, early nineties. . .

It's Groundhog Day. . .Again

February 2 is here again. I'll hopefully have time to mark the day
by watching the only thing that gives it any significance:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107048/

Groundhog Day

Here's me watching it today:

Romancing the Songs

One of my pet peeves is the omission of certain songs from the theatrical release of a movie from home video. It's a money matter, but you would think when they originally fork over for the song in the first place they would anticipate it.
I can understand music rights being a problem for SCTV or WKRP but even then the
contracts should have allowed for future media.

In some cases, maybe a song is omitted because producers don't like it.
Or maybe they had a feud with a performer. I don't know the story.
I just like many of the songs.

The fargin’ funny theatrical release of Johnny Dangerously (1984) had this song over its opening and ending credits, but the VHS and subsequent presentations have omitted it.
It’s the only reason I don’t have this movie on DVD – the trouble of being sure I’m buying a version that has it restored. The video should also be on there.

Here’s a link to it but embedded video is disabled so we’ll have to jump you to Youtube:

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=18vzLo3sKJg


This song was in the theatrical release of Romancing the Stone in 1984, but the VHS omitted it and replaced it with some generic sounding score. No disrespect to the composer, but even though the Eddie Grant song may be cheesy, it is also catchy.
Even the most recent DVD re-release doesn’t have it – not in the end titles nor even as a separate video special feature.

Eddie Grant – Romancing the Stone




Billy Ocean – When the Going Gets Tough the Tough Get Going
From “The Jewel of the Nile.”

This song is still over the end credits of Jewel of the Nile, but not available as a special feature.

I still find it so cute that the actors pretend to be back-up singers n the video.

Shatner's appearances on 3rd Rock

Well, it took some clicking and pasting, and some watching, but here are the three appearances of William Shatner on 3rd Rock From the Sun.

Dick's Big Giant Headache (2 episodes)

The Big Giant Head Returns

The Big Giant Head Returns Again (2 episodes)

Again it's a case of something I'd rather watch this way than weekly.

Dick’s Big Giant Headache part 1 http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=7KOuxrPfCk0



Clip II http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=bMUX_f0hyn0

(this clip starts with a fun reference for Twilight Zone fans)



Clip III http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=fwTE4EqaN4k&feature=related



Dick’s Big Giant Headache Part II http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=XeVy1gjhCJQ



Clip II http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=v4UTFlBqgyU&feature=related



Clip III http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=apEX3XL1PAs





The Big Giant Head Returns pt 1 http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=huapfypXUt8



part II http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=W71QO1-YYnw



Part III http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=AfYE-67rYOA only the end credits



The Big Giant Head Returns Again Pt. 1 http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=_r0DjYmCkkU



Pt. 1 clip II http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=1QJD9avvXas



Pt.1 clip III http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=QJo8XPAQUIo



B. G. Head Returns Again Part 2 clip I http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=OFr7FJC--6A



clip II http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=20Y522AifRs



clip III http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=8NPgKgItisA