Have you ever sat down and kept record of the daily progress on a project? I've done that. As a matter of therapy than posterity to log what went wrong or what I did right when working on someone else' project. I even came up with a checklist or two that could at least bring to the surface any potential conflicts earlier rather than later, since at the start of any venture - a film for example - people are likely to let fights go until it would be a disaster to dissolve the partnership. That said, I'm not sure many people would have it together enough to be so deliberate as to provoke each other early on. It would seem like an insult, a lack of good faith (or bad faith) and they say a liar won't believe anyone else. It's like a Catholic pre-marriage course designed to raise the tough questions. And some people aren't into that. You are looking a gift horse in the mouth, which is a term I've never understood. I mean if you look into the mouth of a Trojan horse before dragging it into your gates, you may see the soldiers hiding inside and burn it instead. So looking a gift horse in the mouth should be a wise routine.
I can think of one producer I worked with back in 2003 who I'm sure is the one who makes up a new Youtube account every once in a while and does a blitz leaving demoralizing and insulting messages on the videos I've posted under the one ID of mine she knows about. When you really don't have many enemies, at least that narrows down the suspects. But what good can I extract from a bad experience? What can I pass along so that it wasn't just a case of poorly spent trust costing me thousands? Well, even if you know better it won't be applied in time. I know I had seen The Spanish Prisoner by David Mamet a few years before. I should know the role politeness plays in preventing people to ask the right questions or refuse the wrong help. Faith in people and lack of imagination make us all marks.
There are some people who hear the word "money" when you say "movie." They may believe "why you and not me?" when it comes to the leadership or "why this idea and not mine?" They may feel I MUST BE PAID as the only measure of worth and value. But they will look at the limited resources for a volunteer-driven film and somehow try to be paid. If they don't sign off their services for a specific amount (even a dollar) they may try to bill you later. You may expect that it makes sense for every contender to bid for a job or a role, but it is not unusual for someone to join under implicitly volunteer conditions and shun signed documents and then consider themselves welcome to a blank check onc work is done. I don't know any filmmaker that can agree to blank checks. I know the movie is a square peg and the round hole is the amount of money available to pay for it.
Years later I still end up paying for the honor of directing my own scripts. Getting excited about the next project can happen immediately and be sustained, but most often now the state of drive to create comes and goes.
One thing I can take from the worst experiences and own and control to an extent is the question of readiness. Am I in a state of readiness? At present, no.
Emotions and thought play catch-up with physical health. I can walk along with a fully developed negative philosophy, then force myself to eat some celery and it's all gone. Or I force myself to get some tedious cardio or go for a swim and a writing problem has worked its way from vague sense of something wrong to problem-solving idea. I plan to swim more in the new year. I don't watch Jaws before swimming nor before sleeping, and I miss the film but I've been sleeping too much and so it's tricky to fit that in. I'd have to start my day watching Jaws while eating apples. Lately I've had no excuse not to swim. The habit I still have from my childhood may have nothing to do with fearing shark visions in a swimming pool. I would stand on the diving board or on the deck ready to jump in but not ready enough. I don't like surrendering to the adaptation of the water, and there is no plan around it. It is all about accomodating the water. Same with a woman. As long as I stay on the deck everything will be fine. Dip my toe into the surface and it will seem a lot colder.
I have to lose weight, and read more often and stick to books rather than what passes for news and concentrate rather than addle myself with even the best movies or TV streamed on-line. As much as I have to catch up on Californication, I also have a backlog of scripts and outlines to complete, prepare and shoot. I'm not sure I care to attend a film festival and schmoose and promote something I've done. But that's another blog.
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