update and new project

In drips or dribbles over the course of a year a few things got back to me about the aftermath of a project that had to be abandoned. So it isn't like I am completely out of the loop. I get the fact that those who are regularly circulating and socializing will have the chance to put a spin on the why and how of a project being shelved. I've taken a few stabs at speaking to a camera about it. But ultimately the issue initially was that a collaborator wanted to make a different movie than I did. My commitment was to my script and storyboard sketched vision of the movie - following that was the way to vindicate me for my leap of faith in a live action cartoon with its own world of unusual names and stylized patter of dialogue. This would not have melded well with an improvisory approach, and would have been a nightmare if there was a looming team leader within the team who was not the writer-director. It would be like building a house on quicksand. And it would have been a process of trying to fix something that was not broken. The sensibilities of some in the clown or improv community would have clashed with my own. You don't write a screenplay called The Adventures of Porno the Clown - or even create such a character - and expect this porcupine to be something cuddly for all. You know that every cast or crew member would if he or she had their druthers pluck a quill or two from it. And if I were afraid of abandonment or mutiny enough to placate that I would end up with a sickly looking porcupine. I even made the effort to write a simplified draft for the sake of cheaper production, but this did not get the attention or discussion it deserved from the lead. This person actually e-mailed me saying I was "a good writer but a terrible communicator" and this coming from someone I had often sent a series of pointed questions of which he would only answer the least important, if any. I suspect based on circumstantial evidence that for him it was more about the clown community and for me it was not. For me it is about making sure people want to make the same movie. Otherwise it devolves into a popularity contest and big personalities would steamroll the would-be writer-director whose vision would be clouded over and whose credit would be an inside joke. That would be the opposite of vindication and I likely would have had to take my name off of the resulting mess. After ten years of trying to spit in the wind defending and explaining how the term "Porno the Clown" is not pornographic and is not a scary clown, I have done two things. I adapted the script I had planned to shoot into a novelization and one way or another that will be available at some point. It will stand on its own. The embellishments in the prose ended up also being somewhat a jab or two against the process and personalities that prevented that movie from being made. The second thing I have done - as a distant last resourt - is to salvage something of the movie to actually shoot. I have taken this time to finally knuckle down and re-conceive my script somewhat. No more clowns. Even the main character is re-conceived as famale and the median age of the cast has been dropped considerably. There were major handicaps in carrying an unfilmed project on my shoulders for ten years. I still want much of my dialogue to be actually performed, quills and barbs intact, and instead of being killed by the hastag me too movement it might be able to benefit from that. But it will still be risky. It just won't have to worry about power struggles with an actor or the spectre of clowns turning people off. There will be mention of clowns but none seen on screen. It will be like a reboot of something that was never made. It would be nice to have production infrastructure to carry into this movie, a budget and volunteers, but I will be keeping it fairly contained. The bigger something gets the more compromised it can get. I have meanwhile quietly been shooting something else to cleanse the palate. For me it has to start with a script and something to rally around. Though I've done improvised movies as a joke with family and friends over the years, I would not get a sense of satisfaction that I get from projects I have written and storyboarded and had the fun of seeing those images brought to life. The experience of having to shift gears has meant I understand how people talk to themselves and become insane from letting the world run them down and attempt to hijack their plans. At this point I likely have to do this revamped version for therapeutic reasons if nothing else. I also feel that in future I'll be less defferential and let people know that if they don't like the script or something in it that is a valid reason to stay away from it because I will choose the script and vision over a specific actor or collaborator every time. Otherwise people may blow smoke up your rear and then have a tug of war when there is no turning back.